Wit
by gryffindormischief
Summary: "With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come." ― William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice Or Harry and Ginny's whispered life together.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I have been wanting to do some sort of collection of Harry/Ginny fics with them doing that whole secret silly whispers thing in varying situations. I had an idea for one (this first little chapter) and it's short, but I think these will all be! No idea about time frames for adding more but it will be in the canon-verse and they'll probably be in non-chronological order...like Coquettish kinda

prepare for fluff...and also Aunt Marge

* * *

Harry was going to _kill_ Dudley. Sure, he didn't feel that affirmatively acting to end the life of an oppressive, murderous overlord was something to jump into lightly, but Dudley's gone above and beyond in terms of personal attacks.

Which may be misleading. In the years after the war, after they weren't living under the same roof and _neither_ was living under the thumb of one Vernon Dursley, Harry and Dudley had developed what some might call a tentative friendship. At the very least, they had a normal relationship for two cousins, attending each other's weddings, Christmas gifts, the occasional meal together with their wives.

But this evening may have put an end to the stay in hostilities.

Because instead of a double-date style dinner party, Harry's sitting across the table from Marge Dursley as she narrows her already beady eyes and clutches her newest puppy to her _voluminous_ chest.

And in case he thought having about a decade of time between now and their last meeting would somehow soften the angst between them, Harry was immediately stripped of this faint hope when Marge wrenched the door open about thirty-seven minutes ago and shouted back into the house, "Dudders, I think you should call the police."

Dudley had come striding from the kitchen, tea towel thrown over one shoulder and an apologetic smile on his face, "Look who surprised me and Natalie today, Harry."

After Marge had gotten over the shock of Harry the juvenile delinquent being Dudley's chosen guest, she'd stomped back into the den without sparing Ginny a glance.

Which is of course, a perfect prompt for Ginny's usual whispered commentary.

Dudley runs off to get something from the oven that's about to burn according to Natalie's yelp and Ginny leans in close so her lips brush Harry's ear. "What a toad, eh?"

Accompanying her light words with a squeeze to his hand, Ginny lingers on the stoop. "Kidding aside, we don't have to stay – "

"Dudley and Nat – "

"Would understand," Ginny interrupts, pulling Harry to a halt before he can get more than a step, "You _want_ to stay?"

And in that moment, Ginny's wide brown eyes searching his, twin blazes of comfort and protectiveness swirling in them, Harry can't help but close the already nil distance between them. His fingers knit through the hair at the nape of her neck, tilting her head toward his while his thumb draws absentminded circles on her freckled cheek.

Harry's head goes light and his chest warms and he forgets everything else but that special magic, Ginny's, as he feels her mouth rise in a smile and her hands clasp around the small of his back.

Until a throat clears, followed by a haughty bark. "You young people – oversexed already, yet you can't manage to keep things _appropriate_ for innocent eyes."

He's still a bit caught up in the maelstrom of Ginny so it takes a few moments, rapid blinking, and extended consideration of Marge's pointed look to realize the 'innocent eyes' are those of her puppy, who is currently obliviously rooting around the base Dudley and Natalie's coat rack.

Harry raises his brows, not rising to the bait, which seems to annoy Marge just as much as any witty barb he could've crafted, so it's a victory. Still, Ginny's apparently not fulfilled, leaning over to Harry as Marge clutches her puppy to her chest and presses its muzzle so close it's a miracle the poor thing can _breathe_. It's barely a murmur when Ginny drawls, "Poor thing lost its innocence a _long_ time ago, yeah?"

Stifling a snort – apparently with little success if Marge's glare is an indicator – Harry pulls Ginny inside and shuts the door with a click behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

Prompt: Can you do #14 with hinny? (this is for linda who submitted a post!)

A/N: this is silly but hopefully funny. Also no offense about Percy and Audrey, they just seemed like the couple most likely to do this xD

14\. "Can we do something with a lot of adrenaline involved, like jumping from a plane or robbing a bank?"

* * *

Harry really loves having a family, the Weasleys in general are the best thing that happened to him, but Percy and Audrey are…difficult.

Not in the old "Percy used to be a jerk" way and more in the "please stop telling boring stories and forcing me to eat your subpar chicken pot pie" type way. Which was fine, when it was limited to birthdays or childbirths or the occasional sibling dinner.

But then, Audrey says they should have monthly couples evening to 'catch up,' and it feels like a prattish move to say no.

And it goes okay, at first, until Percy and Audrey go on a week long holiday to the seaside and bring back a two-hundred and fifty picture slide show with _notes_.

Still, he really is _trying_ to be polite - unlike Ron who immediately started napping when the lights went down - but Ginny's really not helping. She lasted about ten slides before she started providing her own helpful commentary on what she termed 'the most boring holiday of all time.'

They pause at the halfway mark - because Harry apparently burned down a pet shelter in a past life - for a 'two minute' loo break and he is really considering risking family disharmony for the sake of his own sanity. But there's that niggling at the back of his brain, the thing he really knows is what's keeping all of them there despite the nearly inhuman torture of the evening. Percy.

Which, yes he is obviously what's keeping them there, but it's more. After the war, he was, distant, hesitant. Like he thought they would turn him out after one wrong move. It took George pelting him with rolls and telling him to be his usual pratty self and stop walking on egg shells to get back to some sort of normal.

It's still tentative though, when things are less than perfect, and even when they're fine - it just feels like Percy is _trying_. So they try too.

Which means they can't leave, but that doesn't mean Ginny has to keep her opinions to herself.

So as the lights dim and Harry settles in for part two, Ginny leans close, "After this, I need to make sure I haven't fallen into a concious coma."

Harry chuckles, "Those are opposite things."

Ginny watches a few slides then leans back in to his ear, "See, I'm losing my mind - Percy must be testing some new Ministry method for law enforcement punishment."

"I would know about that."

"The deep state, my child," Ginny murmurs, "It's real. Open your eyes."

"I can't close them, I may just die from absolute boredom."

"Seriously though, we need to do something to feel alive tonight."

Harry's hand toys with the hairs that just brush Ginny's jawline, "Is that a come-on?"

Leaning close, Ginny presses a kiss to his cheek and stifles her laughter as Percy shows the eight photo of shucked clams in a row, "No - I mean something with a lot of adrenaline involved, like jumping from a plane or robbing a bank?"

"I cannot let you rob a bank."

"Arresting me would be hot."

"See this just goes with my original suggestion."

And then a rather adult photo of Percy and Audrey's romantic boat tour pops up, Audrey flushes, Percy looks disturbingly chuffed, and Harry feels nauseous.

Dropping her head back, Ginny groans so only Harry can hear. "I may never want to shag again."


End file.
